A satirical glossary of woke terms
To help you navigate the discourse
Allyship: a vessel from a friendly nation’s fleet
Anti-racism: the kind of racism practiced by ants
Birthing person: a midwife
Cis: one’s female sibling
Critical pedagogy: teaching through insults
Critical race theory: important things to know about running events
Deadname: a name that has fallen out of use
Decolonise: to remove someone’s colon
Demisexual: being attracted to Bruce Willis’ ex-wife
Disinformation: facts or data that a Jamaican is referring to
Diversity: an urban area for divers
Drag queen: to pull Her Majesty along the ground
Emotional labour: when giving birth is poignant or moving
Erasure: the continent comprising Europe and Asia
Fat acceptance: willingly ingesting butter or oil
Gender identity: an equation about gender that is always true
Genderfluid: semen
Hate speech: to detest talking
Hegemony: currency found in a row of bushes
Intersectional: relating to places where two or more roads meet
Intersex: keen on sex
Land acknowledgement: acknowledging the work of Nick Land
Male gaze: men who are homosexual
Mansplain: large area of flatland owned by a male
Misinformation: the most attractive woman in the IT sector
Model minority: an attractive non-white person
Non-binary: not relating to rubbish bins
Orientalism: the practice of facing in different directions
Otherness: another lake in Scotland
Pansexual: being attracted to metal cooking devices
People of colour: people being rude
Postcolonial: pertaining to the final section of the digestive tract
Privilege: a settlement that comes before a village
Pronouns: being in favour of nouns
Safe space: parts of the solar system that are not dangerous
Silencing: muffling one’s gunshots
Social justice: an extroverted Supreme Court judge
Solidarity: the state of being neither liquid nor gas
Stereotype threat: a threat like the one posed by a hi-fi system
TERF: a patch of grass
Transphobia: fear of crossing
Two spirit: gin and vodka
White adjacent: a European next-door neighbour
White supremacy: the unrivalled success of Barry White
Image: Saliko, Accademia della Crusca Library, 2017
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